If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
