I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
