Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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