I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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