Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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