I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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