I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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