Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
