Got a toothbrush?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize