You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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