so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
