I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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