I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
