So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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