He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
