Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
