I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
