I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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