You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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