I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How does one acquire holy water?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
