she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize