I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
