There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
