I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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