I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
