Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
