he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
