WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my liver is dry heaving
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
