Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
