i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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