sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize