i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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