I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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