I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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