we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
