sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
