Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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