did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
