I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
