Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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