Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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