hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
