Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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