Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
