He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
