so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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