Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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