I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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