Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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