I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
