i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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