so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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