Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
