Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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