dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?