I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize
