Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
