Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.