the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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