i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish I only lived at night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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