Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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(856): View more from New Jersey

you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness

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(269): View more from Michigan

Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"

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(925): View more from California

she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.

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(909): View more from California

Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.

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(707): View more from California

I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.

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