my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.