What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
