Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator