Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
