Just fell off a train. Bad.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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