Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
