Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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