he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
