Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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