I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
