we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
