today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You may now shotgun with the bride
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
