That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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