Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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