i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize