U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
